


ChatRoom of Swords

by auremin



Category: Room of Swords (Webcomic)
Genre: College AU, Gen, Modern AU, a lot of that, and profanity, chatfic, chatroom shenanigans, everyone is stressed and depressed, past gyrus (the edgy one) is current gyrus' older brother, slightly OOC, there's a lot of intentional spelling/grammar errors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 12:11:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17622155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auremin/pseuds/auremin
Summary: Today 4:09 PMGyrus: Oh wow, we havent used this chat since like.... Sixth grade!Victoria: then why would you bring it backGyrus: Idk maybe because im a stressed uni student who has sacrificed all social interaction for sleep and a passing grade





	1. welcome, hopelessly stressed students

##  five losers screaming because school 🔕

👤  _ 4 Active _

⭕ _ 35+ unread messages _

 

_ Today 4:09 PM _

💬  _ GYRUS is typing… _

 

**Gyrus:**

Oh wow, we havent used this chat since like.... Sixth grade!

**Victoria:**

then why would you bring it back

**Gyrus:**

Idk maybe because im a stressed uni student who has sacrificed all social interaction for sleep and a passing grade

**Sylvia:**

🤣

**Nephthys:**

hello all!

lol gyrus i can relate

med school is beyond exhausting

**Gyrus:**

Oof mood

Bio science and astrophysics r kicking my ass 

 

_ 🖊️ GYRUS has changed GYRUS to SPACEKID _

 

_ 🖊️ VICTORIA has changed SPACEKID to ASTROBUTT _

 

**Astrobutt:**

Why would you do this

I trusted you

**Victoria:**

>:)

**Astrobutt:**

Wow ok i see how it is

 

_ 🖊️  ASTROBUTT has changed VICTORIA to MCSTAB _

 

**Mcstab:**

accurate

 

⚙️  _ ASTROBUTT renamed the chat to IM RUNNING ON THREE BOTTLES OF FIVE HOUR ENERGY AND I FEAR THAT I WILL BLACK OUT ANY MINUTE NOW _

 

**Nephthys:**

relatable

 

_ 🖊️ SYLVIA has changed SYLVIA to HANGRY _

 

**Hangry:**

any1 down for goin to wackdonalds im in the mood for fris

*fries

**Mcstab:**

sure 

 

_ 🖊️ NEPHTHYS has changed NEPHTHYS to NEPH _

 

**Hangry:**

aw no funny nicknames?

**Neph:**

lol no i cant be bothered to think of one existential enough

 

👤  _ KODYA is now active.  _

 

**Kodya:**

can you guys like

shut the fuck up

im trying to work and my phone keeps buzzing

**Neph:**

…………………

**Hangry:**

…………………

**Mcstab:**

………………………………….

**Kodya:**

what the hell is that supposed to mean


	2. 10 pieces chicken mcnuggets

##  who runs the world ? gorls gorls

👤 _3 Active_

💬 _PRIESTESS is typing…_

**Priestess:**

no one tell him you can mute chats

**Chocolate:**

lol ok

**Rose:**

i’ve never seen a boy so stupid

obviously i’m not going to tell him

**Priestess:**

lmao youre right

oh shoot someones gotta tell gyrus

**Chocolate:**

oof too l8

**Chocolate:**

also neph u want anythin from mcdo?

**Priestess:**

can you get me a degree in health sciences

**Chocolate:**

rip no

**Priestess:**

10 chicken nuggets will have to do

 


	3. if you think about it really hard a bow is just a bendy stick that yeets lesser sticks around

##  IM RUNNING ON THREE BOTTLES OF FIVE HOUR ENER... 🔕

👤  _ 5 Active _

⭕ _ 10 unread messages _

💬  _ NEPH is typing… _

**Neph:**

GYRUS  N O 

**Astrobutt:**

Wh

What

**Kodya:**

@gyrus#1961

if you were going to tell them to shut up 

please continue

**Astrobutt:**

No no I was just gonna ask… why dont you just ignore the vibration??

**Kodya:**

because the phone is supposed to be kept in my fucking bag and every time i leave it alone i can see it slowly buzzing its way off the fucking bench and its going to fall over any second now

**Astrobutt:**

Then take it out??????

**Kodya:**

i literally fucking cannot im at archery

**Astrobutt:**

Rip

**Mcstab:**

wait if you’re at archery how are you sending this

**Kodya:**

water break you dumb bitch

**Hangry:**

r00d

**Astrobutt:**

Why dont you just move your bag… on the water break… that youre on… right now……..

**Hangry:**

🤔

**Mcstab:**

honestly i’ve never met anyone this stupid before

**Kodya:**

fuck you all

**Astrobutt:**

Actually wait! You can mute the chat, you know!! In the settings

**Neph:**

SHSHshHSHSHSHSHSHHhshshHSHH

**Hangry:**

NO OOOO OO O 

**Mcstab:**

get spamming guys

💬  _ Several people are typing… _

**Neph:**

.

.

.

.

**Hangry:**

.

**Mcstab:**

.

.

.

.

**Kodya:**

i saw that

**Neph:**

.

.

oh shoot

**Kodya:**

break’s over

bye assholes

**Hangry:**

lol baiii :D

**Mcstab:**

goodbye

**Neph:**

lol dont accidentally shoot urself again

**Astrobutt:**

Byee!!


	4. heeeeee-yaw, it's high noon

##  IM RUNNING ON THREE BOTTLES OF FIVE HOUR ENER... 🔕

👤  _ 4 Active _

_ Today 8:34 PM _

**Kodya:**

🔗 [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFE6qQ3ySXE ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFE6qQ3ySXE)

_ 'Lily Allen | Fuck You (Explicit Version)' _

**Kodya:**

i told you to stop bringing that up

 

_ 🖊️ NEPH has changed KODYA to KASHOT _

 

**Kashot:**

this is bullying

im leaving this chat

**Astrobutt:**

Pls no

**Hangry:**

u cant ill add u back

**Mcstab:**

coward 

 

📌  _ MCSTAB has pinned a message to the chat _

 

  * __‘Neph: lol dont accidentally shoot urself again’__



 

 

⚰️ _ KASHOT has left the chat. Godspeed! _

 

**Mcstab:**

**_C O W A R D_ **

 

👤 _ MCSTAB has added KODYA#6407 to the chat. _

 

_ 🎉 KODYA joins the conversation. Hold your hats. _

 

**Kodya:**

i hate you all

**Astrobutt:**

How was practice?

**Kodya:**

im being bullied and youre asking me about practice

i see how it is

 

_ 🖊️ ASTROBUTT has changed KODYA to SHOT THRU THE HEART _

 

**Shot thru the heart:**

how do i change my name jfc i hate this

i havent touched this app in years i cant figure out the update

**Astrobutt:**

Oh sorry ill change it

**Shot thru the heart:**

you are now my only friend

 

_ 🖊️ ASTROBUTT has changed SHOT THRU THE HEART to COD 🐟 _

 

**Cod 🐟:**

i no longer have any friends

**Mcstab:**

that’s your own fault and you know it

**Cod** 🐟:

youre right but for the sake of my own dignity ill deny it

**Astrobutt:**

Lmao you still got self respect??? I lost mine after the sixth all nighter i pulled in a row haha

**Cod** 🐟:

are you okay

**Astrobutt:**

Lol no

 

👤  _ NEPH is now active. _

 

**Neph:**

tbh gyrus…. same…..

can def relate

 

_ 🖊️ COD  _ 🐟 _ has changed COD  _ 🐟  _ to KODYA _

 

**Kodya:**

finally figured that shit out

goolge is the slender thread keeping me tethered to this digital world

**Mcstab:**

goolge

**Neph:**

goolge

**Hangry:**

Screenshot added 2 my ammo folder

**Neph:**

tho the google thing…. big mood….. id have flunked by now if not for pikiwedia

**Astrobutt:**

A fat mood

 

_ Today 9:04 PM _

**Mcstab:**

(((in an irish accent)))  **_Y E E H A W_ **

**Astrobutt:**

What the Fuck

Thanks,,,,, I Hate It

**Hangry:**

((((((in a new york accent)))))))))  **_Y A W    H E E_ ** 🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠

**Astrobutt:**

Op do you accept constructive critisim

**Mcstab:**

no i’m flawless

also *criticism

**Astrobutt:**

As the owner for this chat

 

🗑️ _ ASTROBUTT has deleted a post _

 

  * __Mcstab: (((in an irish accent))) Y E E H A W__



 

 

**Mcstab:**

abuse of power

join me, comrades, in the crusade against the cruel leader gyrus

we live no longer in oppression and fear !

today, we ride !

**Neph:**

yeehaw

**Kodya:**

hawyee

**Astrobutt:**

Kodya i trusted you

**Kodya:**

funnily enough, the feeling was mutual

but you betrayed me first

and now you will suffer the consequences

therefore : i will yeehaw with n o  r e g r e t s 

_ yeehaw _

**Astrobutt:**

Hhhhhhhn 

End thy suffering ;-;

**Mcstab:**

HEEEEEEE-YAWWWWWWW

IT’S HIIIIIIIIGH NOoN

**Hangry:**

🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠

**Hangry:**

also  @nephthys#2560 tori n i r bacc with ur  **_nuggs_ **

**Neph:**

**_yeehaw_ **


	5. one fish two fish; red fish donewithyourshit fish

##  IM RUNNING ON THREE BOTTLES OF FIVE HOUR ENER... 🔕

👤 _4 Active_

_Today 10:54 PM_

**Hangry:**

lol yalls remember back in gr 5 when i used 2 type in all emojis

**Mcstab:**

god yes it was terrible

**Astrobutt:**

Please dont start again

My last two braincells cant keep up with thtat kind of language

**Hangry:**

🖕😎🖕

🎣 🐡🐡 , 🐠 🐟

**Kodya:**

_She is speaking the language of gods._

**Neph:**

wait what kody can meme???????/

**Mcstab:**

o mother of all things holy

wow

hunter i thought that arrow you stabbed yourself with ended up being a stick in your ass that made you into some moron lacking culture

**Neph:**

tori be spillin that tea

**Kodya:**

honestly you guys suck

**Mcstab:**

you swallow

**Hangry:**

AAAAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJAJAAAJA

**Neph:**

oml shes right tho

**Kodya:**

that literally has never happened

**Neph:**

shell be right in a couple years

**Kodya:**

well,,,,,,,, time to instantly die,,,,

**Mcstab:**

too late the prophecy will come true no matter what you do to avoid it

**Astrobutt:**

What was all of that about

I left to get coffee and?? Now apparently kodya does……. that…………. and syl has travelled back in time and become a fifth grader????

**Kodya:**

NONONONNO THEYRE FUCKING LYING

**Mcstab:**

you snooze you lose

**Astrobutt:**

Sleep? Never heard of her

**Mcstab:**

you lazy f o o l

just scroll up

**Astrobutt:**

Ooohhhh!! Syl is that dr seuss?

**Hangry:**

**👍👍👍👍**

**Astrobutt:**

I get it!!

**Kodya:**

spill

what was it

**Astrobutt:**

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish

Right?

**Hangry:**

👍😄👍 👍😄👍 👍😄👍

**Mcstab:**

wait gyrus you’re on mobile and the red fish would’ve appeared green

how did you figure it out

**Astrobutt:**

lol do u really think i can afford an ipdone

**Mcstab:**

ipdone with your shit more like

**Neph:**

kody everyone knows you only asked so that he would forget about the ^^^^^^^

**Kodya:**

so what if i did it fuckin worked

**Astrobutt:**

Youve just reminded me of it

**Neph:**

_pffft_

**Kodya:**

@kodya#6407

haha time to die

**Hangry:**

🏹🏹🏹

🚫🔫😠

👌❓

**Kodya:**

_f o o l_

_did you really think that would stop me_

**Hangry:**

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Kodya:**

im going to hurl myself into a pit of worms

**Astrobutt:**

I have an exam tmrrw i didnt study for….. Can i join you……..

**Neph:**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Mcstab:**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Hangry:**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Kodya:**

Please Kindly Fuck Off

**Mcstab:**

oh Queen is calling me

**Neph:**

you still call her that?

**Mcstab:**

ya i stan a queen

**Neph:**

tru tru

**Astrobutt:**

Wait you’re still at work???????

**Mcstab:**

wtf no she’s on the phone

**Mcstab:**

oh jk she’s telling me i have to be there tomorrow at 6am

it’s like……. 11:45 now i gots to go sleep

**Astrobutt:**

Goodnight !!

Cronch the very good sleeps for me

**Mcstab:**

lmao ok

get some sleep too though

seriously

**Astrobutt:**

Tmrrw

I have to study today

**Kodya:**

_but everyone knew he was lying; he truly had no intention of ever going to sleep._

**Astrobutt:**

Shutup codfish

**Kodya:**

bye

**Astrobutt:**

Oh gn

**Kodya:**

Fool. You Will Not Be Rid Of Me So Easily.

**Neph:**

gn everybody!! I have a early class tmrrw i gotta get some sleep lol

**Astrobutt:**

Gn!!

**Hangry:**

😴👍🌃

**Astrobutt:**

Gn syl! And gl on ur science project haha

I remember ms noodles grade 10 class has rly wack projects

**Hangry:**

**👋**

**Kodya:**

everyones gone but my Insomnia dictates that i am going nowhere

**Astrobutt:**

Oof thats a mood

Wanna chat?

**Kodya:**

nothing better to do

**Astrobutt:**

Oh wait

We should take it to dms so we dont spam

 

_Today 3:29 AM_

**Hangry:**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Astrobutt:**

Fdgrhshgjflr syl go to SLEEP!!

**Hangry:**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

_Today 5:11 AM_

👤 _O active_


	6. shot through the foot and camp is to blame

##  IM RUNNING ON THREE BOTTLES OF FIVE HOUR ENER... 🔕 

👤 _5 Active_

_Today 7:07 AM_

 

_🖊️ ASTROBUTT renamed the chat to FUCKGRGINROFMD_

 

_🖊️ HANGRY renamed the chat to WATCH YO PROFANITY_

 

_🖊️ KODYA renamed the chat to FUCK YOU NO_

 

_🖊️ ASTROBUTT renamed the chat to I NEED TO USE THE WASHROOM BUT ITS CLOSED AND I JUST CHUGGED A WHOLE COFFEE HELP_

 

_🖊️ MCSTAB renamed the chat to NO ONE CARES_

 

_Today 7:24 AM_

 

**Astrobutt:**

Hhhhrng im going to cry ;-;

**Hangry:**

(((softly breakdances))) whats the mattr

**Astrobutt:**

Test

**Neph:**

oh worm

**Mcstab:**

this is why i didnt finish uni

**Hangry:**

@victoria#1225

yo come 2 mi casa n pick up some snaccs for spaceboi

my mom got costco hotdogs n im makin some for brkfst

**Mcstab:**

i’ll pick them up on my way to work

in like 5min ok?

**Hangry:**

lol shore

**Astrobutt:**

;w; thanks guyssss

 

_Today 7:14 AM_

**Kodya:**

in todays news: i woke up with a spider on my face

**Astrobutt:**

_oh big oof_

**Kodya:**

also @gyrus#1961 gl on your test

**Hangry:**

^

**Neph:**

^

**Mcstab:**

he beat me to it but ^

also i’m at your dorm with the food

**Astrobutt:**

Oof thanks

 

_Today 11:59 AM_

**Neph:**

_Sent: characteralignmentchart3d.png_

tag urself im

_Sent: 12g49we90rgk0.png_

**Mcstab:**

boo

it’s not acceptable to be a Lawful Valid Unit here you have to have one mid-to-extreme trait

...

actually wait nevermind you’re the group mom you gotta be an absolute unit

**Neph:**

lol exactly

**Mcstab:**

_Sent: neutralbastardbitch.png_

**Hangry:**

_Sent: 4994fj4r9g32.jpg_

**Neph:**

youre not a dumbass :(

oh

@kodya#6407

@gyrus#1961

your turn

 

_Today 1:01 PM_

**Astrobutt:**

Oof sorry my phone died on me when i was tryin to edit the image

_Sent: lawfuldumbassunit.jpg_

**Kodya:**

can i not

**Neph:**

no you gotta

**Kodya:**

_Sent: chaoticmotherfuckingbastard.mdp_

**Astrobutt:**

You arent a bastard!!!

Youre a dumbass

**Kodya:**

thanks i almost felt happy for a moment there

**Astrobutt:**

Oof

**Mcstab:**

you ARE a dumbass tho

**Kodya:**

_guess what thats why im still in school_

_for the_ **_education._ **

 

_Today 3:38 PM_

**Gyrus:**

You guys remember when we were counsellors at that summer camp last year?

**Hangry:**

no

**Gyrus:**

Oh right you were too young to apply

**Neph:**

its ok youre valid too syl

but yeah @gyrus#1961 i do remember

why you ask?

**Kodya:**

his camp name tho

**Gyrus:**

N O

D O  N O T  Y O U D A R E

**Kodya:**

you started us on this tangent

now suffer,

_Berry._

**Mcstab:**

OH HOLY SHIT I REMEMBER THAT

i’m literally wheezing he called his clipboard scout and he pretended to be an astronaut

a kid in our group called him astrobutt and thus you see his nickname

**Astrobutt:**

_T h i s  w a s n o t  m y i n t e n t i o n_

_Tori your name was Avalon._

**Mcstab:**

yeah at least my camp name was cool

**Astrobutt:**

I bet the sunburn wasn’t so cool huh

**Mcstab:**

bet

also the sun wasn't even that bad

even my pasty-ass made-in-britain skin could take it

i don’t understand how you got so red

the only truly horrible part about the ROS were the bugs

god knows im never working at an outdoor camp again

**Neph:**

i dont really remember my nickname but i think it was Sarabi??

like the lion mama in the lion king

**Kodya:**

im going to willingly go to my death on my terms

by reminding you that my camp name was Strela

**Neph:**

pfftfshh yeah i remember people used to think you were a girl because of the name

and because you werent buff yet lol

you looked really cute when you put your hair up !! you should do it more often!!

**Kodya:**

it means arrow in russian shut your up

also its cold as fuck here theres no way in hell id put it up during the winter

**Mcstab:**

‘shut your up’

**Hangry:**

more ammo ;D

**Astrobutt:**

No guys i brought it up because i found this image in my camera roll

_Sent: Google Drive file: holy_shit_double_bullseye.png_

**Neph:**

you illegal bo i

you cant use phones in camp remember?? howd you take this??????

**Mcstab:**

in the name of all things holy why in the name of god is it so blurry

what’s the context of this

**Hangry:**

looks exactly liek the 1st img on gogle bugtigiughubn

**Mcstab:**

rip sylvia

**Kodya:**

oh god oh fuck

**Astrobutt:**

Ok so !!!! you know how codfish used to run the archery range

Well one day i brought my group there as you do bc you know schedules and all, btw tori this wasnt the week we had the same group so no one knows this but me

But basically kodya was doing his demo thing and showing the kiddos how to shoot without getting kashot

And he gets the bullseye! And the little shits went wild !!! it was the first damn time i saw actual respect in their beady little eyes !!!

**Kodya:**

please end it there no one needs to know the rest

**Mcstab:**

no go on

**Astrobutt:**

Lol of course im not stopping there

So the kids were like W OA A H   DO O I T A G A I NN so this absolute madman _does_

AND GUESS FUCKING WHAT

he hits the bullseye again!!! and

using the trashy plastic bows the camp gave us

He somehow managed to **_split the original arrow in half_ **

_And oh my god the kids went fucking ham_

_They begged me to take a picture so i did and holy shit ok that was an experience and a half_

**Kodya:**

please stop i am ashamed of this story

**Mcstab:**

from his reaction i think im going to like how this ends

**Astrobutt:**

The best part tbh was his reaction

He just dropped to his KNEES

And started CRYING

I heard the bowstring snap when he dropped it

And he was just rocking back and forth on the ground in fetal position sobbing and fedhferighriughui it was the funniest damn thing i ever saw

**Kodya:**

ok listen hear me out

i was obviously really happy to have done that that’s like an amateur archer’s dream

to get a movie-style bullseye

but i would have to pay to replace the arrow and the bow and all the children were screaming ok

it was really emotional

**Mcstab:**

i don't know whether to tease you about this for all eternity or to tease you about this for all eternity.

**Neph:**

oh my god kody you never told me about this!! this is amazing

**Kodya:**

thats exactly why i didnt fucking tell you

**Hangry:**

lolllll

wish i coulda signed up lol that woulve been gr8 2 c

 

_Today 4:20 PM_

**Hangry:**

420 blaze it

**Kodya:**

...ok?

dont do drugs???????

in other news, i got a cat today

**Neph:**

good for you kody

gods know you need the company

**Kodya:**

**_shut your up_ **

**_she’s a russian blue/siberian mix and i love her_ **

**Astrobutt:**

Oooo send a pic!!

**Kodya:**

sorry cant shes hiding in my laundry basket

_Sent: boicott.png_

here have a poorly edited picture i grabbed off of google instead

this is p much how she looks

except shes a lot smaller

dont expect to see me at the campaign tomorrow i have to take her to the vet

**Astrobutt:**

Did you tell don you cant go? Hes gm this time i think

**Kodya:**

yeah obvs

also i need names for her

**Neph:**

was this a spur of the moment thing because cats are a lot more responsibility than books pretend they are

they arent just cute gifts or lost kitties on the street u have to take good care of them!!

**Kodya:**

i’m aware

ive helped my old roomate take care of his so i got used to having one around

and now that i live alone its weird not to have one

call me a lonely bitch if you want but i like cats

and i need a better pastime than being here

**Neph:**

oh good just making sure you know what youre getting into

bc ive seen bad things happen to cats whose owners werent ready for pets

**Kodya:**

yea i get it

dw ive made a Properly Educated Decision

also popcorn names pls i dont want to call her The Cat forever

**Mcstab:**

Queen

**Neph:**

i stan a legend

**Hangry:**

bread

**Astrobutt:**

Nova

Blueberry

Cerulean

**Kodya:**

does she _look_ cerulean to you

**Astrobutt:**

No im clearly colourblind

Obviously she isnt brightass blue it was a suggestion you dumb beetle

**Neph:**

Shu

**Kodya:**

please neph i know shu is an egyptian god but i cant have my culturally ignorant parents think i named my cat after footware when i say her name out loud

**Neph:**

oh oof true

:(

**Hangry:**

toast

**Astrobutt:**

Syl r u hungry? We can all meet up at the cafe kodya works at and have linner

**Kodya:**

what in the name of fuck is linner

**Mcstab:**

are you physically dense

**Kodya:**

yeah as far as im aware im not liquid

**Mcstab:**

…

**Neph:**

…

**Hangry:**

…

**Mcstab:**

_oh my god his dumb bitch energy is off the charts_

**Astrobutt:**

Lunch + dinner ! it’s like half an hour to 5 now its too late for lunch

But too early for dinner

So linner!

**Kodya:**

at this cafe? i dont think so

theyre like post-panini-purge tim hortons

**Astrobutt:**

Oh gross

When does your shift end?

@kodya#6407

@victoria#1225

**Kodya:**

in like two minutes if im willing to lose my paycheck

**Tori:**

i can leave anytime since arthur is taking over

**Kodya:**

who tf is arthur

**Neph:**

who’s arthur

**Tori:**

my boss’ cousin

he’s taking over for a bit because she’s feeling ill

**Hangry:**

oh lit

**Astrobutt:**

Oh @kodya#6407 name idea for your cat: rigel !! the most famous blue supergiant star, the brightest star in orions belt!! Or bellatrix, or alcyone, theyre both blue giants and really pretty

**Kodya:**

hm alcyone sounds alright

thanks

**Astrobutt:**

Np!

So do you guys wanna meet at the library and then we can decide where to eat

**Mcstab:**

sure

i can be there by 5

**Kodya:**

^

**Neph:**

i’ll be there by 4:50

**Hangry:**

ill b there @ 4:35

**Astrobutt:**

Lit

See you there

 


	7. the coffee shop au of your nightmares

##  NO ONE CARES 🔕 

👤 _5 Active_

_Today 7:05 PM_

 

**Astrobutt:**

@everyone

You all got home safe?

**Mcstab:**

yea

**Hangry:**

yeet

**Neph:**

thanks for asking, & yep!~

**Kodya:**

Alcyone is sitting on my laptop and im patting her

im in love

shes purring very hard

oh shit she managed to swat my cup off the tabkefegrbrbjrgj

**Neph:**

Awwwww (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ its so cute

**Mcstab:**

you’re going to become a senile cat woman someday

**Kodya:**

then let this be the beginning of the end

i accept my fate with open arms

**Astrobutt:**

Oh that reminds me

A weird guy called me a demon for having green hair today lol

Idk it was probs a fandom joke but still it was an experience and a half

**Hangry:**

lol how did cod talkin abt his catto remind u of that

**Astrobutt:**

Idk actually maybe its because codfish is the spawn of satan

**Kodya:**

youre going to regret discovering the truth

**Astrobutt:**

Fshfhrurgeiig omfg ive uncovered the answer

I told you my conspiracy theories were all right

**Mcstab:**

only this one

**Neph:**

this jerk took off with my earrings after volunteer work today

had to take them off for sanitary reasons right

and this kid just snatches my weave like that

**Kodya:**

ill shoot them down if you want

**Neph:**

lol no its ok!! they caught her and shes been suspended

**Mcstab:**

jeez you guys are all having a terrible day aren’t you

can’t relate i just helped the cutest couple find a bouquet for their s/o in succession

they came into the same shop wanting to surprise the other for valentines

honestly it was the cutest thing i felt like a background character in a rom-com

**Kodya:**

sounds cool

i had to deal with this mom who ordered her kid a french vanilla not knowing it has caffiene

we argued for half an hour over its caffenie content and then she asked to see my manager

**Mcstab:**

How do you spell caffeine twice, both incorrect in different ways

**Kodya:**

listen ok im absolutely exhausted

literally only minutes after she left a herd of girls came up and i had to memorize orders like _soy milk sugar free shaved coconut and chocolate chips & extra whipped cream & caramel drizzle _

**Neph:**

you better not have given them normal milk and sugar >:(

some people have medical issues you might not kno abt

**Kodya:**

hshshshhh who do you take me for

im a dumbass but im not petty enough to put peoples health in danger

ofc i didnt

but they asked me to remember it because theyd be regulars and haha

i forgot my own middle name yesterday

gl getting me to remember that kind of shit

**Astrobutt:**

Lol mood

**Hangry:**

im applying for a job at that cafe @kodya#6407 tell me moar abt these regulars

**Kodya:**

well theyre the ones who like to talk a lot and stare me down like im doing something wrong

scary shit

one of them keeps saying she’ll make it worth my time if i give her free drinks for a week

(i have no idea what that means and i dont want to know)

this one girl who wears fishnets and boxing gloves calls me a prettyboy and continues to do so everytime i see her

and i dont know how to feel about it

bc i feel like if i said smthn she would kill me

generally teenage girls are fucking terrifying

**Neph:**

so sad kody

but i mean a brooding,,,,, stoic,,,,, twunk with an accent……. in the middle of a cafe is like every internet girl’s coffee shop au dream

im not gonna try to excuse their behaviour but i mean they probs just think this is their irl romance story so dont take them seriously

**Mcstab:**

by the way she meant she wanted to fuck

**Kodya:**

oh shit

_wow ive never been more relieved to have rejected someones offer_

**Mcstab:**

also you obviously managed to memorize the girl’s order if you recited it back to us

**Kodya:**

ahahahah no i made that up on the spot

**Mcstab:**

oh relatable

 

_Today 8:01 PM_

**Kodya:**

okay seriously i have to know because ive been overthinking this all day

am i actually a dumbass

**Mcstab:**

no you’re just emotionally constipated

**Neph:**

of course not !! you had better grades than me in like half our classes last year lol

tori’s right tho youre kinda terrible with emotions and slang

**Kodya:**

oh

**Hangry:**

yea ur rly bad @ meming but ur not stupid

**Kodya:**

nice to know

**Astrobutt:**

Is this because i called you a dumbass earlier

**Kodya:**

oof no

well kind of yea but like no its irrelevant im just overthinking

**Astrobutt:**

Oh…... sorry……

**Kodya:**

no its fine

just got concerned for my backup plan in case going professional with archery doesnt work out

btw tori did you ever manage to go competitive w/ fencing?

**Mcstab:**

oh oof no

fencing didn’t work out for me either but it’s still a fun hobby

i spar with The Queen sometimes

**Kodya:**

**_suddenly my future looks a lot more grim._ **

**Astrobutt:**

Oof rip

**Neph:**

dw kody!! youre the best archer ive met u_u

**Kodya:**

i’m the only archer youve met

**Neph:**

o tru

 


	8. oh no i have accidentally died (at least, thats the plan)

##  NO ONE CARES 🔕

**👤** _ 2 Active _

_ Today 3:21 PM _

 

**Kodya:**

news update: i bit my lip and accidentally tore off a huge piece of skin so now im bleeding all over my assignments

**Mcstab:**

too much information

could’ve just left it at you bit your lip and now you’re bleeding ok

@nephthys#2560  help your friend

 

👤 _ NEPH is now active _

 

**Neph:**

i keep telling you to use chapstick

ur lips are always so cracked :(

drink lots of water and put a cold compress on it

If the bleeding doesnt stop in ten minutes or it gets heavier i think you have to go to the er

**Kodya:**

youre training to be a doctor and youre telling me you  _ think _ i have to go to the er

**Neph:**

yea what about it

**Mcstab:**

hilarious content 

**Kodya:**

alright then guess ill just ….. bleed out….. this is the pinnacle of entertainment………… i love……… bleeding to death……..

**Mcstab:**

#hunstmanisamachosistconfirmed2019

@gyrus#1961 here’s another conspiracy theory for you

**Kodya:**

OP delete this post

**Mcstab:**

but you’re not denying it

**Kodya:**

i am now

**Mcstab:**

ok 

 

🗑️ _ MCSTAB has deleted a post _

 

  * __‘#huntsmanisamachsistconfirmed2019’__



 

 

👤 _ ASTROBUTT is now active _

 

**Astrobutt:**

Tori whyd you tag me?

**Mcstab:**

gyrus why’re you always on mobile? you’re the only person who has the auto capitalization on

**Astrobutt:**

And youre the only one that consistently uses apostraphes ok fuckoff pls

**Mcstab:**

correct but my point still stands

why do you never use the pc version

or just turn off autocaps

**Astrobutt:**

Because im tired and i want to retire leave me alone

**Neph:**

gyrus you’re like 19 and a handful of months youre too young to be tired

**Astrobutt:**

Im too old to not be dead

If i was alive during 13th century eurpoe id have died of the black plague already

**Mcstab:**

*europe

**Astrobutt:**

God tori please shut up

 

👤 _ HANGRY is now active _

 

**Hangry:**

sc

**Neph:**

oof gyrus are you ok? you seem kinda upset abt something

**Astrobutt:**

Uhhhnnng sorry that was rude

Yea i just got my grade dropped 5% for ‘plagiarizing’

Ive been crying for five minutes please leave me alone to wallow in my sadness

**Mcstab:**

wtf how’d that happen?

**Astrobutt:**

Apparently i copied off some other kid’s work

Because our writing was too similar

Hes the dumb bitch that the teacher really likes and uuf i think he actually copied me because we used to be friends and i let him peer edit my essay

Hrhghrhn my average is down to like….. 89.4%

**Mcstab:**

why didn’t you explain this to your teacher???

**Astrobutt:**

She loves him she didnt believe me

So uh yea im just gonna go cry for three hours

**Neph:**

oh gods is this the essay you were really proud of and stayed up three nights to finish

**Astrobutt:**

Yeahhhh hurgh that just made it so much worse

**Neph:**

ripppppp 

**Hangry:**

(ง •̀_•́)ง

i will fite them gimme their dorm adrss

**Astrobutt:**

Pls dont i cant get into anymore trouble

**Kodya:**

what if i just….. snipe him from the window………. 

**Astrobutt:**

Cod thats also illegal

**Kodya:**

shut up i know my rights i took law in grade 10

**Mcstab:**

oi huntsman you took a criminology and forensics course once right??

**Kodya:**

yea 

**Mcstab:**

ok i’ll dm you the plan you check for any holes

**Astrobutt:**

Oh god i dont like where this is going

**Neph:**

dw about it

lets hang out a bit in the plaza before it gets late

i heard the art dept is setting up an event

**Astrobutt:**

Oh ok

Do you think theyre selling their galaxy spheres?

**Neph:**

idk well see i guess

**Astrobutt:**

K meet you there


	9. texting at 3am lends to some very regrettable conversations

##  NO ONE CARES 🔕

👤  _ 2 Active _

_ Today 2:19 AM _

 

**Astrobutt:**

Hey all im having an existential crisis

**Kodya:**

god what a mood

Im dissociating from my physical body rn but go on

**Astrobutt:**

No wtf i didnt even think anyone was active go tf to sleep

**Kodya:**

no youve forced me to explain myself to you 

because otherwise youll think im some weird bitch who stays up all night hoping to get a text

explaination: Alcyone is sprawled out on my bed

i didnt know a tiny creature like her could extend so far

she has totally invaded every square inch of the sheets

i couldnt go to sleep if i tried shes too happy there

she deserves sleep more than me

**Astrobutt:**

Honestly thats adorable

I wish i had a valid excuse like that

Oof time for me to go back to staring at my wall praying the shadow in the corner is just my jacket and not a demon standing super still

**Kodya:**

suggestion: go to sleep earlier, get into a habit of making tea or reading or doing something specific before bed, it helps you get in The Mood For Sleep so you dont have sixthousand tiny bitchass thoughts running through your slag heap of a brain at 3am and instead you feel like a slug about to be covered in salt by 12

**Astrobutt:**

Very strange comparisons but ok once i finish all my projects i can try to reestablish some kind of normal sleep cycle

**Kodya:**

**_gentle reminder: go the fuck to sleep your mental health is more important than your gpa_ **

**Astrobutt:**

**_No and youre wrong_ **

**Kodya:**

_ this has been a gentle reminder, but your words of defiance bring me ungodly amounts of rage. _

  
  


_ Today 4:31 AM _

 

👤 _ 3 active _

 

**Astrobutt:**

My only talent is turning everything to shit

**Neph:**

god what a mood that is rn

just messed up my roomates art project by accident and i feel like garbage

**Kodya:**

isnt that just called digestion

**Astrobutt:**

Congratulations i just exhaled really loudly

Im not gonna lie and say lol

But that, to my 4am brain, was the pinnacle of comedy

God im so sleep deprived everything is hilarious to me rn

Im giggling uncontrollably i think im dying i bet the demons in my room are scarwd of me

**Kodya:**

kid youre going insane

**Astrobutt:**

im literally one month youngr than you and im fines hutshup

**Kodya:**

your mental state begs to differ

**Astrobutt:**

Then let it beg

 

_ Today 5:00 AM _

**Astrobutt:**

Time is a flat circle and we are the morons running around under it

**Mcstab:**

why are you repeating tumblr quotes go to sleep

 

_ Today 6:41 AM _

**Kodya:**

its now possible to boat from paris to moscow bye bitches im going to visit my grandma

**Mcstab:**

we’re in north america

**Kodya:**

Well? Did I Ask?

**Hangry:**

no but she answrd lol

**Kodya:**

we live in a city by a lake that jets into the atlantic i could boat to england and then find my way into france and then go to russia

**Mcstab:**

you’ve thought this out very well

**Kodya:**

time to go buy a boat

**Mcstab:**

you’re kidding me

**Astrobutt:**

(((softly, but with a lot of feeling)))  _ what the fuck _

 

_ Today 7:08 AM _

**Mcstab:**

has no one in japan ever seen a butterfly

**Hangry:**

charas @ buttrflys in anime:  _ excuse me wtf _

**Kodya:**

butterflies @ characters in anime: prepare to be  **_butterfucked_ **

**Mcstab:**

~~ i thought you of all people knew that salted butter is terrible lube ~~

**Kodya:**

ADSFJGLEFEEVJ  PL EA S E F UC K  O F F 

**Astrobutt:**

God i havent had butter in years

I mean who needs full meals when u can just be me n suffer

**Hangry:**

gyrus ur experiences r not universal

 

_ Today 12:13 PM _

**Kodya:**

im supposed to be taking notes but mere minutes ago i watched a guy walk out of this hellscape of a class with two coffees on his head and yelling stay fresh cheesebags as he left and i felt like this was something i had to share

**Astrobutt:**

You just met god

**Kodya:**

i wish i didnt

 

_ Today 11:54 PM _

**Kodya:**

did my mother just mail me a russian chocolate or a small vase: a guessing game i wish i wasnt playing

**Mcstab:**

at this point getting mailed a small vase is probably the least of your concerns

**Kodya:**

you’re absolutely right 

but i dont want to work on my isp 

so instead im pondering the secrets of the universe as i gaze into the charcoal surface of this foreign object

**Mcstab:**

alrighty then

**Astrobutt:**

God kodya your life is like a series of tumblr shitposts rolled into one trainwreck

**Kodya:**

accurate 


	10. cursed kittens

##  NO ONE CARES 🔕

👤  _ 5 Active _

_ Today 12:01 AM _

 

**Astrobutt:**

_cursedcerealhuggercatisafatmoodgodilovefruitypebbles.png_

**Kodya:**

what the fuck have you brought upon this cursed land

**Mcstab:**

if not for the laws of this land i would’ve slaughtered you

**Kodya:**

thats not what you told me a couple days ago when we were discussing m u r d e r

**Mcstab:**

shut up no one needed to know

**Neph:**

are you guys serious

**Hangry:**

0_0

**Mcstab:**

no we just tied a garbage bag up to look like a body and threw it in the guy’s apartment

**Neph:**

i dont know whether or not to feel relieved

**Astrobutt:**

Honestly what the fuck i just wanted to share cursed images in peace and you drag murder plots into this happy server??

**Mcstab:**

it’s cursed now, thanks to you

**Astrobutt:**

Thats fair

Oh did i ever tell you about my cousins cat

**Kodya:**

no go on

**Astrobutt:**

He named him bagelface n hes a superspecial male calico

**Kodya:**

stop talking immediately

that was a one in a million cat and he named him bagelface

im trying to decide between laughing or crying with my head between my knees

also sidenote alcyone is sitting on my laptop and i think shes gotten more used to me so now she sometimes rubs her face on my legs and you cannot tell me she isnt the best creature on the surface of this green sad planet

**Mcstab:**

oh that reminds me

i was going to ask if you’d let us come over someday to meet her

**Kodya:**

sure 

later today work for you?

@everyone

**Hangry:**

👍

**Astrobutt:**

Yep!

**Neph:**

yes~

**Mcstab:**

yeehaw let’s get this show on the road


	11. oh god oh fuck its memory stick man

##  NO ONE CARES 🔕

👤  _ 5 Active _

 

_ Today 2:11 PM _

**Kodya:**

i feel beyond betrayed

**Neph:**

im sorry!!!!!!

**Kodya:**

its fine just Please Dont Leave Ur Purse (why is there banana bread in ur purse) Lying Around Anymore

**Neph:**

k,,, im super sorry !! D:

**Kodya:**

It Is Okay Alcyone Is Fine

idk if u needed to throw yourself on the floor and grovel for her forgiveness i think she got over it in like 10 seconds (but she appreciated it)

**Hangry:**

cats n banana bread r not gucci 2gether 

**Kodya:**

anyways i lowkey wish i was a cat i wouldnt have to write essays id just be fed and sleep all day and visit cafes and be surrounded by Foolish Humans who do my bidding

**Mcstab:**

furry

**Hangry:**

but furries have self respect

**Kodya:**

your only pastime is bullying me therefore you are no longer permitted to speak to me or my Cat ever again

**Mcstab:**

why is cat capitalized

**Kodya:**

because she deserves to be treated like the Absolute Goddess she is

**Neph:**

in this chat we stan alcyone

**Mcstab:**

fair point

 

_ Today 1:00 AM _

**Astrobutt:**

Me: puts cup noodles into microwave and goes to print essay

Me: can’t find usb, goes back to eat noodles

Me: hm these noodles taste kinda weird

**Mcstab:**

i don’t like where this is going

**Astrobutt:**

Me, waking up in a cold sweat three months later:  _ oh my god i dropped my usb into my noodles and i fuCKING AT E  I T _

**Mcstab:**

first of all i’m not even going to ask how

did you just plow through a piece of plastic like huh we got a bit more texture this time i guess

i guess it’s irrelevant either way

**Astrobutt:**

Im big ibiot

**Mcstab:**

we been knew

here’s a handy wiccan spell to remove terrible memories. 

**Astrobutt:**

I thought you didn’t like witchcraft?

**Mcstab:**

repeat after me.  _ begone thought. _

**Astrobutt:**

Wow thanks for helping me with absolutely nothing

**Mcstab:**

you’re welcome :)

 

_ Today 2:34 AM _

**Astrobutt:**

Whats stopping me from pouring five hour energy into my thermos of espresso? 

Nothing but my own mortal cowardice

**Mcstab:**

and everyone in this group chat

**Neph:**

toris right please dont do that its very dangerous for your heart

**Astrobutt:**

Your words cannot stop me

**Kodya:**

alcyone is disappointed in you

**Astrobutt:**

cats can stop me

**Hangry:**

wus that rly all it took

**Astrobutt:**

Alcyone is a fucknf Goddess yeah id listen to her or else shell curse the twleve generations of my descendants with eating usbs 

**Neph:**

youre right and you should say it

 

_ Today 12:34 PM _

**Hangry:**

look its 123456

**Mcstab:**

cool i guess

**Kodya**

@gyrus#1961 

hey do you have an older brother

**Astrobutt:**

Yes but god i wish i didnt

**Kodya:**

can i add him to the gc

**Astrobutt:**

Wtf no

**Kodya:**

he says i owe him so i have to do it

**Astrobutt:**

Fuck 

Can u like not

**Kodya:**

im afraid hes offered me something i dont have enough of and therefore cannot refuse

**Mcstab:**

love & affection?

**Kodya:**

copious amounts of money

**Hangry:**

o? how mucho

**Kodya:**

enough

 

👤 _ KODYA has added Memorystick#8652 to the chat _

 

_ 🎉 It’s a bird. It’s a plane. Oh wait, it’s just Memorystick. _

 

**Astrobutt:**

Hey if he tries to tell u his name is epsilon dont listen its actually bellgktjgtigjithiuEFGHGIRUGIJKRMG

ASSFUCK WHY DID YOU TACKLEGRRIBGRIBBUIRN

**Memory stick:**

hey

**Kodya:**

i have so many regrets

**Memory stick:**

the green fuck is lying this is my Name

**Mcstab:**

...yes but is it yours

**Memory stick:**

i use it therefore it is Mine

**Mcstab:**

has it been yours since your birth

**Memory stick:**

moving on,,,,,,,

**Hangry:**

ur not allowed 2 call gyrus green fuck its r00d and if u do it again ill roundhouse kick u into exam week

**Astrobutt:**

Bastard man get out of my groupchat

**Memory stick:**

no

**Astrobutt:**

You stupid fucking gremlin man i will literally tell all of them how short you are and also show them your scene aesthetic tumblr blog

**Memory stick:**

you wouldnt tho

bc ur a fuckign coward

**Mcstab:**

wait excuse me whom the fucketh art thou

**Astrobutt:**

This is the demon that lives in my house

**Memory stick:**

im his older brother dw about it

we look similar you mightve seen me Around

im like the cooler version of him

**Mcstab:**

is... your hair…. also green

**Memory stick:**

thats irrelevant

but its Longer Than His and also better because its in a ponytail

**Mcstab:**

ah you’re the emo-gyrus cryptid i saw lurking around campus

**Memory stick:**

seems about right

**Astrobutt:**

Hi “””””””””””EPSILON”””””””” i have got a THING to say to you

**Memory stick:**

whats with the quotation marks huh

**Astrobutt:**

Ur music taste is garbage and so is your personality

**Memory stick:**

i hope you choke on a chunk of lettuce

**Astrobutt:**

I would

**Mcstab:**

don’t 

**Memory stick:**

do

**Astrobutt:**

Bc its you asking, i will not and i will actually live forever just to spite you

**Memory stick:**

ill just have to take matters into my own hands huh

**Hangry:**

u kno what nvmnd u guys can insult eachother whenever its hilarious

**Memory stick:**

thanks 

 

_ Today 3:05 PM _

**Memory stick:**

i saw a cute dog today and almost cried

**Kodya:**

why dont you ever do this with cats

**Memory stick:**

demon

**Hangry:**

omfg ??? i thought i was the only 1 who cried when doggos smiled at me

**Memory stick:**

i love dogs with all my soul why wouldnt i cry

**Hangry:**

ur my new bff

**Astrobutt:**

Hi Bastard Man Please Leave My Group Chat

**Memory stick:**

no

you took my only friend from me so i will return the favor

**Astrobutt:**

Yeah but unlike you i have more than one friend

**Memory stick:**

wait why is your name astrobutt

**Mcstab:**

let me tell you a story that happened two summers ago, on a warm clear day, in the woods of the room of swords outdoors summer camp

**Memory stick:**

dont tell me that was his camp name

**Mcstab:**

no it was berry

**Memory stick:**

**_it what_ **

 

⚰️  _ ASTROBUTT has kicked Memorystick from the chat _

 

**Mcstab:**

coward

**Hangry:**

rip bestie

 

👤 _ HANGRY has added Memorystick#8652 to the chat _

 

_ 🎉 There’s a demon in the mirror. Nevermind. That’s just Memorystick’s reflection. _

 

**Astrobutt:**

For the tag alone ill let him stay

**Memory stick:**

wow thanks i can really feel the love 

**Astrobutt:**

I have no love for you

 

_ Today 7:43 PM _

**Neph:**

au on real life where one of us actually becomes successful and realizes their dreams

**Astrobutt:**

wait @victoria#1225 didnt u write fanfic in 8th grade cant you write this au

**Mcstab:**

shut the fuck up we don’t talk about that

**Neph:**

what

**Hangry:**

whut

**Kodya:**

what the f u c k

**Hangry:**

this is beyond science

**Kodya:**

suddenly i no longer know any Victorias

**Memory stick:**

tbh im usually a lurker but i just

i feel like ive met a tori before ? are you the fencing one who works at queen’s

**Mcstab:**

yes 

**Memory stick:**

cool 

i return to lurking now

**Astrobutt:**

Just seeing him text has given me a migraine 

**Hangry:**

@Memorystick#8652 friend me

 

_ Today 9:11 PM _

 

**Kodya:**

ive only had alcyone for a week but if anything happened to her i would kill everyone in this chat and then myself

i just exclaimed out loud that i would die for her and she sat on my arm and patted me with her tail hhhhgrhgh

i love this cat

**Mcstab:**

honestly i half expected her to act out ‘then perish’ but i guess she’s more affectionate than i expected

**Kodya:**

yeah she just hates you i raised her well

**Mcstab:**

you didn’t raise her at all she’s already like six months old

 

_ Today 11:30 PM _

**Kodya:**

alcyone has absorbed all my sadness i am no longer allowed to crave death she will not let me go

**Astrobutt:**

I wish scout could do that

**Kodya:**

your demonic golden retriever?

**Astrobutt:**

Wdym demonic ??????? scout is the most beautiful widdle babbey pubby

**Kodya:**

ok then

**Mcstab:**

x to doubt

 

_ Today 12:00 AM _

**Astrobutt:**

Where cofvee

**Mcstab:**

nowhere go back to sleep

**Astrobutt:**

Bold of u to assume i slept at all

**Mcstab:**

when was the last time you did?

**Astrobutt:**

Idk i mean sometimes when i sneeze my eyes close

**Mcstab:**

I’m have Big Concern

**Astrobutt:**

Dw about it im Big Ok

**Mcstab:**

if you sleep more than 3 hours tonight i will 

wait

ok so i can only make tea

**Astrobutt:**

Its ok we all know u dont kno how to use the coffee machin

**Mcstab:**

Be Quite

anyways ill buy you donuts 

**Astrobutt:**

Fr?

**Mcstab:**

If it gets you some mental stability then Yes

**Astrobutt:**

Aight bye

**Mcstab:**

this has been the worst trade deal but i’ll take it

bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i physically forgot i wrote this i'm so sorry  
> i'll try to update more regularly? but i'm Big Dumb so i'll probably forget again hshshshhshshhhh  
> at the very least when i update i'll make the parts Very Long to make up for my absence   
> apologies & thank you ,,


	12. sorry, if your head is made of vegetable you aren't valid

##  NO ONE CARES 🔕

👤  _ 2 Active _

_ Today 6:47 AM _

 

_ 🖊️ HANGRY renamed the chat to DEEDEE PEEG _

 

**Hangry:**

say it outloud i dare u

**Astrobutt:**

Whdheisjbrjeifjehejw

**Hangry:**

in other news i ❤️ robbry n fraud

**Astrobutt:**

Hey what the fuck

**Hangry:**

took 3 free samples im livin the thug life

**Astrobutt:**

Nearly shit myself thanks

**Hangry:**

lol yw

 

_ Today 9:21 AM _

**Memory stick:**

@kodya# 6407 why is it that ive literally never heard you laugh before

**Kodya:**

@memorystick#8652 why is it that ive literally never heard you say anything funny before

**Memory stick:**

thats rude

**Kodya:**

am i wrong

**Memory stick:**

not really,

 

_ Today 11:11 AM _

**Mcstab:**

one day i’m going to exclaim “fight me” to the wrong person and i’ll get decked

**Hangry:**

no1 is deckin u tho ur 2 strong

**Mcstab:**

reassuring. thanks, i’m going to go fight everyone now

**Hangry:**

wait

 

_ Today 12:39 _

**Astrobutt:**

Tori please twll me u didnt actullynfight peeble

**Mcstab:**

i didn’t but i’m about to sock you in the eye for making me read that sentence

**Astrobutt:**

Im  on new phone im not uswd to the keyboard

**Mcstab:**

horrendous but understandable

**Neph:**

oh cool you got a new phone? :O

**Astrobutt:**

Yea i the battrey on the olw one mcdied

Plus it was alwready super slow and old do i figured

**Mcstab:**

maybe if you took a bit of time before you hit send to fix your spelling errors,

**Astrobutt:**

Sorry bur i must type fast

**Mcstab:**

horrendous and not at all understandable

 

_ Today 1:53 PM _

**Astrobutt:**

One hour of typing in notes later, i am finally able to spell

**Mcstab:**

_ good. _

**Astrobutt:**

I just wrote my final essay in there so ig ill paste it onto docs and call it a day

**Mcstab:**

bold & risky move considering how you never edit your work

**Astrobutt:**

Oh right maybe i should just draft this :/

 

_ Today 2:00 PM _

**Mcstab:**

i got tea

**Hangry:**

spill 

**Mcstab:**

 i think there’s been a misunderstanding 

i made actual tea

**Hangry:**

o lol

**Astrobutt:**

I got tea

**Hangry:**

**_spill_ **

**Astrobutt:**

My brother is horrible and he just fucking smashed my collection of glass bottles

**Mcstab:**

that’s not tea, that’s a callout post

**Astrobutt:**

So it seems

 

_ 💬 MEMORY STICK is typing… _

 

**Astrobutt:**

Not one word from you, lettucehead

**Memory stick:**

WHRHHFJEKGRRERD?????????? SAYS YOU MOTHERFUCKER

**Astrobutt:**

Yeah says me kaleface

Mark my words you will pay for this

Both financially and with your life

Keep an eye on your knife collection :     )

**Memory stick:**

wow terrifying 

i feel like i’m being threatened by a tiny berry plant about to kneel over from slugs and frostbite

**Astrobutt:**

Good thing youre allergic to fruit then

**Memory stick:**

h

  
  


_ Today 3:47 PM _

 

**Mcstab:**

today i thought i saw huntsman eating an apple but as i approached with witty greetings i realized he was actually eating a whole red bell pepper so i turned around and left

**Kodya:**

my excuse: left knife at home

**Memory stick:**

if you give me a substantial amount of money ill let you borrow one of mine

**Kodya:**

bold of you to assume im not also broke

**Memory stick:**

fair

i have to leave before green bitch realizes i was here so yall better make sure to cover up this whole convo so he doesnt blow a fuse

**Mcstab:**

it was hardly a conversation but alright

**Neph:**

oh that reminds me @victoria#1225  @gyrus#1961

you guys never got invited to the bigger ros counsellor gc 

**Mcstab:**

the what 

**Astrobutt:**

Why :(

**Neph:**

it’s supposed to be for senior counsellors 

but i think you guys would be considered experienced enough now :D

im gonna ask them to add you !! 

**Kodya:**

good god you cannot possibly mean to add them to

**Neph:**

｡^‿^｡

**Memory stick:**

hey if you convince them to unban me i wont bring scout to the next student council meeting

**Neph:**

tempting but no

**Memory stick:**

am i, a mere grade rep, so far beneath you, vice-president, that youd deny me this simple request

**Mcstab:**

yes 

**Memory stick:**

youre right lmao

catch yall in the other chat then

**Kodya:**

how do you, ip banned user ‘Memorystick#8652’, plan on doing that

**Memory stick:**

;)

**Mcstab:**

ominous 


	13. the rag and bone man yells at grass for 30 minutes

##  THE COOL KIDS CLUB 

👤  _ 7 Active _

 

_ Today 4:03 PM _

👤  _ HEALERMAN has added gyrus# _ _ 1961, _ _ victoria#1225, +1 other people to the chat. _

 

🎉 _ Is that GYRUS? Can I have his autograph? _

🎉 _ VICTORIA is here to kick butt and chew gum. And VICTORIA is all out of gum.  _

🎉 _ A wild SYLVIA just appeared! _

 

**Victoria:**

whom the fucketh

**Sylvia** : 

wut 

**Gyrus:**

what the fresh fuck

**Healerman** : 

its about time :D

**Huntsman:**

oh god oh fuck not this again

**Rag &boneman** : 

H E L L O Y O U F U CK IN G BA S T AR D S IT  IS MU R DE R TI ME 

**Aquaman:**

Hi @sylvia#0015 u dropped something

**Sylvia:**

???????? 

**Aquaman** : 

Ur standards

Hi my name is anan

**Sylvia:**

lol nice

**Oliveman:**

@ aquaman please ,,,, , , where is ,,, my Food ,,,,,,,,

**Aquaman:**

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Fearman:**

get fucked yall

**Victoria** : 

can

can i leave

**Rag &boneman:**

who tf are you even

**Victoria:**

who is anyone

**Aquaman:**

Im anan the guy whos in like ,, every swimming club ever

**Sylvia:**

omfg wait ur the guy with funky tattoos who bought me lucnh in the caf 1nce 

**Aquaman:**

YEE

**Hangry:**

**👉😎👉**

**Aquaman:**

 (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

**Oliveman:**

hey, , with my money : (

**Fearman:**

sucks to be you

**Oliveman:**

:’ (

**Healerman:**

no bullying we are a good wholesome server of good wholesome people

**Fearman:**

that ended when ragan got mod rights

**Rag &boneman:**

ok weedman

**Fearman:**

thats not a bad name

**Aquaman:**

tbh i expected her to freak out abt that

**Fearman:**

im the only bitchwho got respect

**Aquaman:**

ok mushroomman

**Rag &boneman: **

thats too fucking long you dumbstupidbitch

**Aquaman:**

says u, with the exact same amount of letters

 

💬 _ RAG&BONEMAN is typing… _

 

**Aquaman:**

i shouldnt have said that im so afraid i

**Rag &boneman: **

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU OPPOSE ME MORTAL

CATCH THESE HANDS BEHIND DENNYS TONIGHT AT 3AM

**Aquaman:**

try me bitch

Ill probably cry

please dont try me im actually very afraid rn

**Rag &boneman:**

good

**Oliveman:**

 anyays :0

hello !! im olimedes im the only person who knos how to cook in this whole gc

**Healerman:**

hi oli! glad u stopped lurking :D

**Oliveman:**

thank u !!

**Healerman:**

oh but kody knows how to cook too maybe you guys can bond over that >:3

**Huntsman:**

i can literally only make 2 things not counting every iteration of egg ever

**Healerman:**

still valid

**Oliveman:**

ah i stand corrected ,, you are Valid 

ill show u how to make more things if you want :D

**Huntsman:**

much appreciated im tired of eating quiche every day

**Fearman:**

 im feather & i hate the government

**Aquaman:**

thats feather they like to make fun of me and take recreational drugs and also have existential crisises every 2 days 

we’re bffls

**Sylvia:**

o

**Victoria:**

oh

**Gyrus:**

o wow

**Huntsman:**

good to see Nothing Has Changed

**Fearman:**

very rad

**Rag &boneman: **

im ragan

the stuco one

**Gyrus:**

 lol my brother’s in stuco

**Victoria:**

oh youre  T H A T ragan

the angry yelling one

**Rag &boneman: **

and whats it to you “”””victoria”””

**Victoria:**

i’m the tori from stuco who fences and works with queen from stuco who outranks you, the athletics dept, by quite a wide margin

**Rag &boneman: **

o ur the fuckinf fancypants princess bitch

**Victoria:**

 excuse me what

**Healerman:**

this gc is just full of stuco ibiots huh

Im one too

**Aquaman:**

u and cod are literally in our grade ofc we kno that yall in stuco

**Huntsman:**

objection: i am not

**Aquaman:**

well i know u so does it really matter

**Huntsman:**

idk does anything matter

**Fearman:**

he gets me

**Huntsman:**

no i dont

**Gyrus:**

sylvia is the local pink haired puppy-petting gremlin and im gyrus the guy with green hair in astrophysics and robotics

**Rag &boneman:**

excuse me ur who now

**Gyrus:**

green hair man

**Rag &boneman** : 

**_the grass-for-brains bitchfuck who ruined the entire stuco by bringing a bag of rats to school?_ **

**Gyrus:**

that would be my older brother

**Rag &boneman:**

im keeping an eye on you mf

**Gyrus:**

 fair enough

 

🖊️  _ HUNTSMAN changed VICTORIA to SWORDSMAN _

🖊️  _ HEALERMAN changed SYLVIA to EMOJIMAN _

🖊️  _ HUNTSMAN changed GYRUS to SPACEMAN _

 

**Huntsman** :

 is this ok 

**Spaceman:**

hell yea

 

🎉  _ Memory stick may be among us… where are they hiding? _

 

**Rag &boneman: **

FUCK OFF MOTHERUFKC HOW DO U KEEP GETIGN IN

 

⚰️  _ Memory stick has been banned from the server. _

 

**Rag &boneman: **

i fucking ip banned him what the FUCK

**Huntsman:**

 damn ok

**Spaceman:**

the rag&boneman scares me

**Rag &boneman: **

Good

**Huntsman:**

im in 2 gcs now what a time to be alive

**Aquaman:**

lmao loser

**Huntsman:**

youre in like 5 dating advice servers and 3 for minecraft

**Aquaman** : 

dont call me out like this : (

**Emojiman:**

o im love mincerat

**Aquaman:**

!!!!!! friend me an join me on hypixel RN

**Rag &boneman** : 

excuse me do u say r*t

**Fearman:**

rat is a bad word here

**Swordsman:**

i will say rat forever then

**Fearman:**

till the day you die, till the day you forget, till tomorrow and till the end. Forever is nothing in the face of it all. Your forever is a fraction of the universe’s forever which is not infinite and will never, irionicallt , be forvgfredfhreferfjngfifjhreio

**Aquaman:**

u scare me sometimes

**Fearman:**

you will soon learn that the truth is more terrifying than anything society could ever come up with

What is one person to the endless march of time? To the expanse of space itself? We are less than nothing. We are irrelevant, mere blinks in the face of an uncaring universe, which it too will meet an end one day, and

**Aquaman:**

if reality is too scary to fully comprehend, then let me remain a fool and nothing more

**Spaceman:**

damn

**Emojiman:**

 dam

**Healerman:**

dam

**Oliveman:**

woah 

**Rag &boneman: **

i watched you bookmark that quote on instagram you fucking loser

**Aquaman:**

 stop E X PO S I NG   ME 

**Rag &boneman: **

im not taking credit for what u do to urself

**Aquaman:**

i watched you save that on reddit

**Rag &boneman: **

prepare to die

**Huntsman:**

this gc sucks soft grapes im gonna mute it

**Healerman:**

lol ok :3

**Huntsman:**

catch me in the other chat later talking about brand name apple juice

**Spaceman:**

Ghdjghjgjfjgkfkd

**Swordsman:**

absolutely thrilling narrative. i look forward to it

 


End file.
